Virgin Post

This is my cherry poppin first blog post y'all. I just want to let the world know that I am a struggling/starving artist now with big dreams and a big penis which pretty much goes hand in hand (haha) in the entertainment industry. No joke...

So what have I been up to huh?

Well I've been auditioning for a lead role in MILK, starring Sean Penn and Matt Damon to be directed by Gus Van Sant. Auditioning is easy and fun. There is zero pressure because I know I will not get the part. I am not famous...yet. Also I am without an agent and a manager and union representation (for the time being) which means I have to wait forever to even sit down to audition. But because my ambition is sewn into my birthday suit, I sit for hours anyway and humour myself that I might win the "Role of a Lifetime". Please Jesus!

Other than that I hired and fired myself from three jobs now. Minimum wage labor is a bore. People without professional goals are a bore. People who only want to have children to find fulfillment in their life really bore me. So I quit. I quit I quit I quit. Hah!

Instead I am writing a novel and sitting pretty in the library while big gay men hit on me near Bryant Park. But because that won't get me anywhere I am trying this networking thing and going to entertainment industry parties. I met Ann Coulter at the Soho House. Go figure. I said I was her biggest fan.

I met with an entertainment lawyer. The topic of our meeting was supposed to be FINDING AN AGENT but instead it was about how he thought I was cute, but preferred black men. And me being 19 and him being 40 something is a problem. I agreed. I'm pretty sure he was drunk. Boring!

Then I met with a director who cast me in his next indie film. It has a budget of a 1,000,000 dollars. More zeroes than most humans can comprehend. But then he started making these snake like tongue flicks at me during one of these entertainment parties--at which it became apparent he wasn't dreaming the same things I was (if you know what I mean). Not sure what to do with him.

Well that's a wrap! See you on the silver screen soon!

-Jam!

wtf...?

What the fuck is up with everyone all of a sudden leaving and not telling anyone???

Like why is is that I JUST FOUND OUT that Andrea is in Dublin? And ADRIANA didn't tell me she was going to Italy until she was like, already there...

*sigh*

I miss you guys.